I hated that standing up for myself and refusing to become a victim of discrimination, racism, and micro-aggressions again was dismissed and diminished to me just being angry.
“She’s just an angry person of color.” Those words didn’t just hurt—they brought forth an insecurity I had buried deep away as a Black girl. They sent an unspoken yet extremely deafening message. Staying silent would be ideal because my experience and struggle as a Black woman would never be validated here. I hated that standing up for myself and refusing to become a victim of discrimination, racism, and micro-aggressions again was dismissed and diminished to me just being angry.
I had my fair share of struggles in white-dominated spaces as I was growing up. Like many Black girls, I was taught from a young age that we have to work 10 times harder than our white counterparts. For us, being average was the equivalent of failing; just getting by would never be enough to prove we deserved to exist in these spaces. As a child attending predominantly white schools from kindergarten through eighth grade, I was bullied for having brown skin, I had my hair cut by peers because it didn’t look like theirs, and I often felt isolated due to the lack of representation.
In eighth grade, I transferred to a school where I was no longer a minority. From then to twelfth grade I stayed at school where I wasn’t a minority and I thrived at these schools, I felt supported, represented, and accepted by my peers. For the next five years, I was able to bury my previous traumatic experiences and leave those difficult memories behind. These spaces gave me insight into how important an inclusive environment is for mental health and academic performance. My confidence in my identity soared but as I entered my 20s, I found myself struggling once again.
As I entered college at 外网天堂, I encountered the same struggles I had left behind as a young girl as I once again had to navigate a predominantly white institution. When I came to Mount St. Joseph, I felt isolated again. I struggled mentally to cope with not being represented, not having people who understood me, or the challenges I encountered. My struggles were accompanied by the thought that to be welcomed I had to overperform and prove that I was intelligent enough to be at Mount St. Joseph. The longer I spent in this community trying to fit in and prove I belong here the more I experienced people judging and excluding me because of Blackness. It seemed as if my intellectual ability didn’t matter and that wasn’t what was stopping me from belonging on campus. What was stopping me was my Black features, my natural hair, my faux locs, knotless braids, and my long nails. It didn’t matter how smart I was, my features and the culture I had come to love stopped me from being accepted.
My first instinct was that for the next few years, I would conform to the majority's expectations of me as I pursued my degree. It wasn’t what I wanted to do or what I should have done, but the pressure to detach from part of my identity to reach the same level of success and experience as my peers while being accepted made the thought cross my mind day after day. After realizing I was only suppressing and hurting myself, I decided that instead of conforming I would continue to show up as me and no longer look for acceptance. This led me to becoming Black Student Union President my sophomore year. I started doing everything in my power to advocate for change, support other minority students, and create an inclusive environment on campus. While this may have made some people feel uncomfortable it was and still is needed, because as the world continues to progress Mount St. Joseph should as well.
Unfortunately in April of 2023, Mount St. Joseph fired their Chief DEI officer. They also released a statement informing students and staff they were not looking to hire someone to fill the position as this would lead to a merger with Mission and Belonging. I knew what losing DEI could mean for students, therefore I immediately scheduled an event to voice the concerns of the community. The purpose of these meetings was for all students and staff to meet and ask questions, gain clarity, and be given answers from the source. After several meetings I was asked to meet privately with a previous staff member at Mount St. Joseph who led the merger. It was here that I was reassured that all staff included in this merger would support the community and continue to work on providing a safe and inclusive environment.
Months later this previous staff member held an in-person meeting which I was unable to attend in person and had to join via Zoom. The meeting was surrounded by conversation of inclusive practices and spaces at the Mount. Some of the work I had done on campus as Black Student Union President had been brought up. When asked about the President of Black Student Union the same staff member who had vowed to continue to provide a safe and inclusive setting had stated “She’s just an angry person of color,” not knowing that I was there.
I was crushed because my advocating for inclusive spaces, safe spaces, and equality was diminished into anger. It took me back to when I thought conforming was the answer, but not this time. I would not be silenced. I would continue to speak out because it didn’t matter where I was, I was always deserving of the space I took up whether I matched the norms and standards of the majority or not. As Black women we’re always told that we have to work ten times harder than others, we have to wear our hair a certain length, in certain styles, keep our nails at a certain length, dress in different clothing, tone down our personality, and speak a certain way. It doesn’t make sense that in order to be accepted and to meet the standards of others we have to erase our personality and culture leaving only a shell of who we are as we struggle to find ourselves.
To any Black woman in her 20’s whether you’re navigating college or corporate America, always show up as yourself. Your hair doesn’t have to be pressed to be considered professional, your knotless braids or locs are just fine. You don’t have to speak differently to be accepted--the way you talk is just fine. You don’t have to work 10 times harder and be burnt out to prove that you deserve your spot, because if you didn’t deserve it you wouldn’t be there in the first place. You are enough, you are deserving of every opportunity you receive, you are intelligent, and you do not have to change the way you are unless you want to. We are all beautiful the way we are and have to continue to show up ourselves and be accepted because we deserve nothing less.